I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...