ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors