If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"