do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
