so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound