Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
