What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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