Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
