so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
