Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
