He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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