Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
