is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
