Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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