Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
