i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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