Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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