I puked a lego.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
