i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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