i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
