I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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