erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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