you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
