Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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