I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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