Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
