I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We smell like vodka and hangover
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
