I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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