I'm jealous of your bromance
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
