She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
