Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
