she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
