Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
