I'm really into asian looking animals
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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