that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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