the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
