Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
