I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
