My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
