Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
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Do I have a choice?
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LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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