After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
