Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
