I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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