I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
