So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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