am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
