the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
