Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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