Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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