Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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