question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this just has baby written all over it
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
