Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
