my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
