I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
