This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
