Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
