Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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