i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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