No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
