TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
