I want to have your abortion
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We have started to decorate penises.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize