Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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