Your dad touched me again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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