I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize