he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
