I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
