This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
