the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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