There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
