I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
