No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
