youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
