HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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