After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
