you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
